Because I'm really not sure how I would have made it through this first month (with baby B) without her! Not shortly after my mom's arrival, Ivan was off to Shell to work out details for camp. What was supposed to be a short 3 day trip kept getting extended as he dealt with issues in the rafting route and then got stuck in Shell due to landslides on the main road. What a relief to have my mom with me to help, otherwise I'm sure there would have been a major meltdown. She was such a blessing to me (cooking, cleaning, taking turns with Benjamin, harvesting coffee beans, sewing projects...). THANKS MOM!
It felt so strange to see Ivan and the team from the states head off to camp, while I stayed behind. A few times I concocted plans in my head of how to get down there and be present but considering I was rarely out of my pajamas and showered before 10am, it's probably best I stayed home. ;) Plus there was no way I was convincing my mom that hopping on a public bus with a 3 week old for a 5+ hour drive was a good idea. Recognizing my limitations and accepting reality, I had to settle for WhatsApp messages and brief phone calls to update me. And I realized that it's not about me. Obviously, I know that camp is not about me. But somewhere in my prideful heart, I'd created this notion that it was in a way up to me. I mean, I am the planning queen, people! How can you expect to pull off this large-scale event without me keeping everyone on the plan? Well, guess what? They did. And they did it well. Dare I say, even better.
And in my very human, sinful nature, I thought, dang it. I mean, I wanted camp to go well, but I was also waiting for a call where Ivan would say in desperation, "We really need you!" Because isn't it nice to feel needed? Instead every call and message confirmed that things were going exceedingly well.
It's a different kind of being needed and it's a totally new feeling. Once again my role has changed. Once again my "normal" has disappeared and been replaced with something totally different. But Ivan did need me. He needed me at home. Taking care of our son. So, this year, I didn't get to see the kids swimming in the pool or witness the sacred time of silence as kids respond to what they've heard. I also didn't have to worry about the set-up, clean-up, tear-down of camp! While work crew worked furiously for long hours on little sleep, I was given the opportunity to rest (between feedings!) and cherish these early moments of motherhood. I wanted to mourn what I was missing but God wanted me to rejoice in what I was receiving. A slower pace. No schedule. Special time with my mom. Smiles from Benjamin. This lesson in being fully present and fully grateful wherever God has me, has been repeated quite often in my heart.
"Separating life into distinct categories of "sacred" and "secular" damages, sometimes irreparably, any attempt to live a whole and satisfying life. Neither job was more or less important or holy than the other. Nehemiah needed Ezra; Ezra needed Nehemiah. God's people needed the work of both of them. We still do." -The Msg (Intro to Nehemiah)
A wonderful reminder that each of us matters and each of us has different giftings and callings. We also go through different seasons, equally important.
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| Benjamin - 1 month old |
1 comment:
Beautiful reminder of God's plan that all of live is sacred. Washing dishes, serving in whatever way is devoted obedience. Thanks for sharing your story.
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