Rachel's Rhythm

Let's just jump right in.

The second week of September, Ivan brought our nephew and niece from Shell to come live with us for an extended period of time. It is a bit like our own version of foster care. Without saying too much, it was the best decision for the kids at this time. Ivan called me (from Shell) and explained the situation and gave me half an hour to think about it before making a decision. He loaded up a trailer that a friend lent him with a bed frame, mattress, the dresser full of their clothes and some bags of toys and overnight we went from having a toddler to also having a 5th grader and a 1st grader.

Lots of transition. Trying to figure out the crazy world of virtual school. First time dealing with the Ecuadorian educational system. All of a sudden we went from a very flexible schedule as a family to a very structured one. One where we all must be up and ready and signed into virtual school by 7:30 AM. Now we spend afternoons doing homework and projects. It's been hard. Most melt downs have been either by Benji or myself.

One particular afternoon was very rough. A very cranky toddler, who needed to take a nap but refused, not being respectful with his touch and not respecting personal space. Crying, screaming, throwing and just a full-on melt down because he was exhausted but refusing to take a nap. Ivan was on YL calls and I was also trying to help the other kids with their homework. Which means I was having my own internal (and now external) melt down. Not crying and throwing but I am shouting. I am not proud of myself and my parenting. So, finally I barricade Benji's bedroom door and just hope he'll finally exert his energy screaming and collapse asleep. I send the "big" kids to read in the other room and sat down to open my Bible (something I probably should have done earlier in this day). And I read Psalm 106

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. Declare his praise."

Gratitude is probably the farthest thing from my mind (and heart). As I focus on gratitude, there is still a very loud and cranky toddler upstairs. So I begin there. The very behavior that is driving me crazy. It's a very "normal" and "average" 3-year-old. He's expressing his feelings. He's moving his body. These are reasons for gratitude. There are parents who long to hear their child scream at the top of their lungs "MOMMY!" but their speech is delayed or perhaps unable to run around, bang on the door or stamp their feet because of a different disability. So, I take a minute to thank God for the very normal child that I have. I take a moment to give thanks for his life, while others mourn the loss of a child or the waiting for a child. I pray, O Lord, teach me to be grateful. Teach me to treasure the now. And PLEASE, get that boy to take a nap! (Because in these few moments my heart may have gotten a reset, but I still need a re-charge!).

*Yes. That boy did finally fall asleep.

Here's the hard part. Every day is the same battle. Every day is the same struggle to find balance and sanity and gratefulness. Ivan is starting to do more traveling again for YL. I worry about the still present threat of COVID. I worry about how I will manage the home front while he's gone. I worry that I will not fight this battle well. I might not. I might fail miserably. But I'm going to try anyway.

Jeremiah 51 (MSG)

"Don't lose hope. Don't ever give up.....

Heaven and earth, angels and people, will throw a victory party"

God shows up. God fights for us. Despite us. For us. He wins. He has the final victory. That is our hope.