Seems that the internet is on to me.  After my last post talking about our guests and visitors all of a sudden quotes and articles about hosptitality started showing up on my Pinterest homepage.  I really had a good chuckle over one article about "Hospitality for the Introverted Person".

January did not disappoint in providing ample opportunity for practicing hospitality.
We hosted the National Retreat with 10 other YL leaders at our home.  (Thankfully, not everyone IN our home...).  However, I did realize our home is not sufficiently "baby-proof" with the help of some little ones.  My mother-in-law, niece, and nephew came for a weekend and Ivan hosted a camping adventure with the nephews.  Due to the cold and rainy weather, the camping happened in our living room.  We tested out our fireplace (turns out it does NOT exhaust the smoke very well...) and quite frankly I was not with the best attitude (which put more of a damper on the fun than the rain).

Camping Adventrue!

It's been a month of vulnerability and second-guessing.  I imagine, like any new mom, I have moments where I wonder if I'm doing a good job or if I'm totally screwing it up.  When your baby STILL doesn't sleep through the night, it FEELS like failure.  (because folks, this is month 6, not week 6).  I'm a fairly "relaxed" parent and in general trying to go with the Ecuadorian flow here.  But sometimes it's hard.  You go to the pediatrician for the monthly check-up and you can feel the germs and viruses in the waiting room.  You notice the patient ahead of you goes in wearing a mask, sweating profusely, and red eyes.  When it's your turn, you don't know if the doctor used gloves when examining the patient before your son.  She doesn't put any on, when she does a full body exam.  Did she even wash her hands?  There's no clean sheet or paper put onto the exam table in between patients.  Should I be more assertive?  Ask her to wash her hands or put on gloves?  Or how about when you're giving a bath and B moves at just the right moment to take in a big gulp of water.  No big deal?  Except the tap water here is not drinkable.  We buy purified water or boil water for consumption.  When we have guests from the states, we urge them to not use tap water when brushing their teeth.  So, should I be super concerned that B just drank some?  We've entered into the scary and exciting world of solid foods.  Purees or baby-led-weaning?  It is seriously overwhelming!  Overwhelming because I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm new at this and so with every decision comes a bit of doubt.  A bit of second-guessing.

The other week, Ivan was sick.  Like, don't touch anything with your germs sick.  He was exhiled to the guestroom and I got busy making chicken soup.  By about day 3 he was starting to make a come back.  Actually walked outside.  Spent some time reading in the hammock.  By day 5 he was talking about motorcycles, so obviously, feeling pretty good.  While Benjamin was napping, Ivan told me to come and sit outside with him, take a break, and enjoy the beauty around us.

"Give me space for healing, and mountain air." Psalm 69:29

"Give me space for salvation.  Be a guestroom where I can retreat." Psalm 71:3

There in the stillness.  In the lack of "doing", ever so gently, the Lord whispers His love for me.  The flowers are blooming.  The birds are singing.  See how the Lord takes care of them.  The sun is shining.  It's a beautiful day.  And I almost missed it.  Almost missed the beauty.  Because I'm too busy trying to "do".  The sheets need to be washed.  The floor needs sweeping.  Benjamin's nails need trimming.  Food must be cooked.  Diapers changed.  E-mails answered.  Perhaps I prefer to stay busy because when I stop long enough, that's when the doubt and questions jump out.  Am I a good mother?  Am I making the right decisions?  But if I allow myself to be still long enough, then those questions die down and God's truth comes forward.  Instead of seeing the messy kitchen or the piles of laundry, I can see His goodness.  His provision, His grace, His unfailing love.

"No doubt about it!  God is good!  But I nearly missed it, missed seeing his goodness.  I was looking the other way" Psalm 73:1

It's a daily battle, a fight for my time.  To be still.  To allow God's truth to permeate my thoughts.  And wouldn't you know, after that stillness in the sun soaked afternoon...Benjamin slept through the night for the very first time!  

6 months: always a happy boy, with 2 bottom teeth and army crawling his way everywhere!