in·def·i·nite

in·def·i·nite

adjective: indefinite

1.

lasting for an unknown or unstated length of time.

synonyms:

indeterminate, unspecified, unlimited, unrestricted, undecided, undetermined, undefined, unfixed, unsettled, unknown, uncertain; limitless, infinite, endless, immeasurable

On Thursday, September 18th I got my visa!  (and there was much rejoicing!)  On the visa, it states that it is valid until:  Indefinitely.  It seems to wrap up how I've been feeling lately.  As I transition into this new life (marriage, ministry, culture...) I struggle to define what I am supposed to be doing or more importantly what I am being called to do by God.  In a world where we are constantly trying to define, measure, and specify things; I am struggling in the land of unknown. 

Candid photo with Dan Jessup in Colombia

As a wife, I am uncertain as to how to fulfill this role.  What does it look like to be a godly wife?  How does this role play out on a daily basis?  Every day I find myself redefining and changing what that looks like.  Our first several months of marriage have been anything but fixed and settled.  It seems like every week we are traveling from one place to another.  There is just enough time to wash the laundry before we are repacking our suitcase.  To be the helpmate for my husband, sometimes I need to simply be by his side, other times I need to talk and open up conversations with others.  It is an endless process of figuring out each situation. 

Within Young Life, I am on a journey.  The needs often feel infinite, outweighing what I feel capable of doing.  While I contribute in small ways and have begun to take on some specific responsibilities, there is a pressure to do more.  As the national director's wife, shouldn't I be taking on more roles, filling more needs...doing more?  I'm not the only person asking those questions.  There is an expectation by others to be more involved and I am easily influenced by that pressure.  When Ivan and I were in Colombia for national training with other leaders/directors from Venezuela, Colombia, and Ecuador one of the biggest blessings was being able to talk with others and gain wisdom from their experiences.  I was encouraged to not rush through this process, to allow myself time to adjust, to pray, to seek, to hear how I am to be involved with Young Life.  It was such a relief to know that I have grace in this period of time; that I don't need to have it all figured out or defined yet. 

YL leaders from Colombia (Alejo and Andrea)

Surrounded by all these unknowns, there is a place of certainty.  Christ.  He is my firm foundation. He is the rock on which I stand.  He is same yesterday, today, and forever.  I know what is definite, He chose me.  He asked me to follow Him, and I said "yes". 

"I have chosen you."  That is the way the grace of God begins---He does not build on any natural capacity at all.  God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace. -Oswald Chambers

Some monkeys hanging out behind our house.  This is the view from the kitchen window.  A nice little distraction while washing dishes.